Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
