I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
