planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I love having hate sex.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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