Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
