I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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