The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
