i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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