Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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