So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
