i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Pants are for mortals
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
