youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
