I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
