I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
