i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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