I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
