Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
