this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Randomize
