So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
