what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
