My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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