youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
