well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
That accounts for only three of the penises
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
