Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
