At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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