This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We are two peas in an std pod
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
