All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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