I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
