Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm passing your future prison.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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