i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
