Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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