He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
