physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
