Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
