why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
