my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
