I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
