you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
