I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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