Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
