gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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