how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
