Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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