Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
