if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
