If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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