This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
