went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
