and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
