Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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