Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
